Where's the tape measure?
by elvenonion
Summary: Aragorn's guest bites, Legolas prances, Aragorn hides, Legolas measures, Gimli yells, Legolas...prances..


Frodo: Oh AR-A-GOOOOOOOORN!

Aragorn: -hiding in a near-by closet- ...

Frodo: AR-A-GOOOOOORN!

Aragorn: -shifts weight to other leg, floorboard squeaks-

Frodo: -hears- -throws open closet doors- ARAGORN!

Aragorn: -thinking to self- _crap.._

Frodo: Aragorn! Leaving your guest is very rude indeed! GET BACK HERE! -drags-

Aragorn: -cries-

Frodo: Now he's not _that_ bad!

Aragorn: He's not that bad? PFFT! HE _BIT_ ME!

Frodo: -rolls eyes- oh like no one's ever bitten you before.

Aragorn: YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER MENTION THAT!

Frodo: -evil grin- come on.. -continues dragging-

Aragorn: (thinking) _dammit...wait. How can a three-foot-tall hobbit drag a 6-foot-tall man. ...wait..am I six feet tall...Perhaps I shall meausure myself again... Oh, I cant, Leggy has my tape measure.. Blast his elven need to measure things!_

Before Aragorn knew it, he was back in that room, the dreaded room, that dreaded evil room, that dreaded evil nauseating room, that dreaded evil nauseating republican-

audience: GET ON WITH IT!

-GLARESNARLGLARE- ...just for that I'm skipping this scene entirely.

Legolas: (prancing around a field) Laaaaaaaaa dee-da-dee DA DA DU DU! -measures tree- LAAAAAAA DEE-DA-DEE DA DA DE DU! -measures stump- LAAAAAAAAA-

Gimli: OH WILL YOU SHUT UP!

Legolas: ... -measures Gimli- -laughs-

Gimli: GAH! -stomps off-

audience: -sob, sob-

Right, have you learned your lesson?

Audience: yesss...

One audience member: noooo.

GAH! (RAWRTHREATMOCKGLARE)

the same audience member: Is that the lesson?

... -throws the audience member out of the studio-

a different audience member: We're in a studio?

... -throws the other audience member out of the studio- ANYONE ELSE!

Audience: -shakes their heads in unison-

Good...now...where was I?

Aragorn: I was back in the room.

Oh, yes, thank you. He was back in the room. Sighing, he sat back in his chair.

His guest was turned, facing the fire. Whimpers could be heard.

Aragorn: Oh come on! Don't be such a baby! I mean, you BIT me and I didn't cry!

Guest: -sniff- but you ran away...

Frodo: He has a point.

Aragorn: ..shut up...

Frodo: -chuckle- nice comeback.

Aragorn: ... Anyway, suck it up!

Guest: -burst into tears-

Frodo: You made him cry! I hope you're happy! -storms out of the room-

Aragorn didnt know who to apologize to, so he went to his room. But to his astonishment, he couldn't open the door.

Aragorn: Damn door!

The sound of cackling could be heard on the other side of the door.

Aragorn: 0.o what the hell...?

(CACKLEMUNCHCHEW)

Aragorn: _burglers?_

Deciding it was burglers, he un-shethed his sword, and kicked down the door.

Frodo: -screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam-

Aragorn: -screeeeeeeeeeeeech-

Frodo: AHHHHHHHH!

Aragorn: (back to normal) Why are you in my room?

Frodo: I-I come here to think..

Aragorn: uh...

Frodo: (changing the subject) -holds up box of good&plenty- Good stash, by the way.

Aragorn: MY PILLS! -charging- YOU ATE ALL MY "Elrond's patented Anti-Anger Pills"

Frodo: -running out of room- Well Im doing you a favor cuz apparently they don't work!

Aragorn: (SNARLCHASESMASH)

In Frodo's pathetic attempt to escape, he ran back into the room where the guest was still sulking. Not paying attention, he bowled the chair over.

Guest: -gets knocked out-

Aragorn: -not paying attention either- FRODO YOU LIL MIDGET WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU...

Not looking where he was going, Aragorn stumbled on the guest's head, stomach, and sadly, his new cloak.

Frodo: oooooooooh. You're in trouuuuuuuuuuuubleeeeeeeee!

Aragorn: Me! You're the one who knocked him out!

Frodo: WHATEVER! Let's just put him in bed.

Two hours later, the guest re-gained consciousness.

Guest: ow.

Frodo: Hewwo misher tired-face!

Guest: ughhh... ow my face hurts.

Aragorn: -points at Frodo-

Frodo: -points at Aragorn-

Aragorn: -points at the guest-

guest: ...what?

Aragorn: uhhhhhhhhhhh...

Frodo: -sigh- Aragorn...kinda...stepped...on your...face.

Aragorn: ...uhh oops?

GUEST: can I see a mirror please?

Frodo: (enjoying every minute of this) -hands him a mirror-

Guest: -shrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkk!111-

Aragorn: uhh...oops?

Guest: BASTARD I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY KING I CAN STILL KILL YOU!

Aragorn: How does that work!

Guest: I DON'T KNOW! -strangle-

Frodo: -laughing like hell-

Aragorn: You -gag- arent helping!

Frodo: ...was I supposed to?

Aragorn: YES!

Frodo: oh. Er...now now, please let go of your king! If you kill him now, you'd have to kill Arwen too!

Guest: What?

Frodo: uhh...nothing...

Guest: ... -continues to strangle Aragorn- WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FACE PUNK?

Aragorn: Um, didn't we already establish that I stepped on it? -gag-

Guest: ... -stranglestrangle-

Aragorn: FRODO!1 HELLLPPPPPPP! -gag-

Frodo: Psh, red-heads don't listen to me, anyway...

Aragorn: FRODO!

Frodo: fine... -goes and gets the anti-anger pills- Yo, carrot-top! OVER HERE! CANDY!

Guest: ... -looks back and forth between Aragorn and the candy- hmmmm... well, there will be other ways to kill you so... -goes and gets some candy-

Aragorn: phew...wait..WHAT!

Guest: NOTHING.

Aragorn: -writes memo to self: "beware of that annoying redhead...you know, that fat one...with the issues...what's his name...psh, who cares. BEWARE OF FATTY"

Guest: IM NOT FAT!

Frodo: ...of course you're not...have more candy...

Guest: -has more candy-

SUDDENLY THE DOORBELL RANG 35 TIMES!

Audience member #35: YAY!

Right...

Aragorn: OH NO!

Frodo: ITS HER!

Guest: AHHHHHHHHH!

Eowyn: -breaks down the door!-

Aragorn: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BREAK DOWN THE DOORS?

Eowyn: ...fun?

Aragorn: -sigh- well -grabs guest- here he is, take him.

Eowyn: -snatches the guest- SQUEEEEEEE!

Frodo: -twitch- I hate it when she does that...

Audience member #36: SQUEEEEEEEEE!

Why'd you do that?

#36: fun?

... -throws #36 out of the studio-

AUDIENCE: NO FAIR!

...FOR THAT YOU GET LEGGY!

Leggy: LALALALALA! -measure rock- LAAAAAAAAA DE DA DU DA DADADA!

Gimli: ...

Leggy: LAAAAAAAAA LALA...-notices Gimli- ...

Gimli: what?

Leggy: -measures Gimli- AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -passes out laughing-

Gimli: -growl-

AUDIENCE: ENOUGH! ENOUGH!

Hehehehehe...

. uhh...TBC...


End file.
